In the Beginning

I have been alive now for 29 years and a bit. Roughly 10,670 days. 256,080 hours. 15,364,800 minutes. 921,888,000 seconds. (I've never done that conversion before) But as I feel a lot of stuff has happened in my life I thought I might start documenting it so I can remember the stories I like to tell in English class when the guys I'm teaching aren't really into it.

You have to understand that this blog will be filled with randomly stupid stuff that I do. And I warn you, there's a lot of it. I might start with a problem I had in my apartment. I was once making pasta. I got the spaghetti out of the cupboard, cut the end of it then as I was taking it over to the pot it all fell out. In itself that isn't a story anyone would tell, but I couldn't really understand how it happened. So i looked at the packet and found that both ends of the pasta packet had been cut off. I realised this was in fact the packet of pasta I had opened the night before.

This was when I came up with the idea of starting a reality  show called "Matt at home." Viewers would simply watch the stupid shit I do at home and laugh at me. I saw a thing on the net one time called Corn Cam. These Iowa farmers set up some cameras and stream them so stressed office workers around America and the rest of the world can log on and watch corn grow...... Apparently it's relaxing. The website gets milions of hits a day. So I think if millions of people can watch that every day they might be interested in my show.

As this is the first of my posts  I thought I'd put a few stories in. I lived in Japan. The first day I was there I got stuck in the bathtub. It took me ten minutes to get out because my fat arse was wedged in the bottom and I just didn't have the leverage. For a while there I had images of emergency crews taking the entire shower unit out through the window and scores of Japanese pointing at the naked lanky white guy stuck in the bathtub. It's not the first thing you want to happen to you when you visit a foreign land and I was contracted there for a year.

Anyway that's all I have time for. Hopefully I'll keep this updated regularly.

Cheerio. (that is an absolutely under-used word)

Matt.